Curse of the Crystal Coconut

Chomp chomp! Chomp chomp! Sailing out of Mexico heading up to New Orleans Heard about the biggest treasure horde outside the Caribbean One stormy night in Caillou Bay we smashed into the reef A flash of claws, a crash of jaws, a load of big white teeth If you see an alligator In your refrigerator You better say see ya later Or you might end up dead They say you should never smile Right at a crocodile He'll drag you down into the deep And eat your fucking head Chomp chomp! Chomp chomp! Chomp Chomp Chomp Our captain was the first to go, he got ripped into shreds Still screaming as the alligator swallowed down his legs One by one the crew all died in several nasty ways The vision of that massacre still haunts me to this day If you find a giant cayman You're gonna have a really bad day man There's nothing more to say than I won't see you in a while Not even Russell Crowe With a giant crossbow Ain't got a snowballs chance in hell To save you from that crocodile Chomp chomp! Chomp chomp! Why oh why, did I jump into that swamp? Mauled to death by alligators, all singing chomp chomp chomp Time to die, on a sub-aquatic romp Mauled to death by alligators, all singing chomp chomp chomp Chomp chomp! Chomp chomp! Chomp chomp!

Submitted by Morgoth — Apr 26, 2025

In the dead of night We hear the sound of thunder Undead fiends arise To terrorize and plunder Crawling through the sea A dendrophagic horde Our ship's no longer safe The zombies have just climbed aboard! Bloodlust in their eyes Our boat is their prize A feast for the dead Devouring the ship and inside of our heads Far across the sea Zombies wait for me Craving brains and treasure It's their destiny Til my dying day Hear these words I say Zombies ate my pirate ship I will make them pay Yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho (Those Zombies ate my pirate ship) Yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho (They are a bunch of undead pricks) Yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho (I'll smash their face in with a brick) Yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho (Those Zombies ate my pirate ship) Centuries ago The prophecy was written So the story goes The grimmest and the true frostbitten Druids made a pact That zombie hordes would roam In search of stolen wood The forest shall reclaim it's own They've eaten the mast Save the crow's nest til last Sink down to the depths Cursing their name with our final breath Die! Fuck you, zombie scum! Far across the sea Zombies wait for me Craving brains and treasure It's their destiny Til my dying day Hear these words I say Zombies ate my pirate ship I will make them pay Those Zombies ate my pirate ship! Far across the sea Zombies wait for me Craving brains and treasure It's their destiny Til my dying day Hear these words I say Zombies ate my pirate ship I will make them pay Far across the sea Zombies wait for me Craving brains and treasure It's their destiny Til my dying day Hear these words I say Zombies ate my pirate ship I will make them pay

Submitted by Infernal Flame — Apr 26, 2025

How many times have you wanted to cast off the chains of your life How many times have you wanted to throw it all in to be free for one moment of time With a gun in your hand and a sword by your side The wind at your back and a reason to die A chance to set sail and to write your own tale in the sky How many times have they said that you're living a meaningless lie How many times have they told you to give up your dreams and to simply just lay down and die Well my friend don't despair we will show you the way Your battle for freedom is starting today Cast off your chains, no longer you'll live as a slave Rise up and conquer the world The oceans are calling your name Your day won't be done 'til the battle is won So rise up my friend, this won't be the end Rise up and conquer the world The oceans are calling your name Your fate is not cast and this day's not your last It's time that you heeded the call The call of the waves How many times have you wanted to kill those who stand in your way How many times have you held up a fist to the heavens and screamed at the break of the day There's no force in the world that is holding you back The power is yours and it's time to attack You can't be afraid, 'cos this is the call of the waves Rise up and conquer the world The oceans are calling your name Your day won't be done 'til the battle is won So rise up my friend, this won't be the end Rise up and conquer the world The oceans are calling your name Your fate is not cast and this day's not your last It's time to stand tall Cos this is the call of the waves Rise up and conquer the world The oceans are calling your name Your day won't be done 'til the battle is won So rise up my friend, this won't be the end Rise up and conquer the world The oceans are calling your name Your fate is not cast and this day's not your last It's time that you heeded the call Adventure and quests above all It's time that you heeded the call The call of the waves

Submitted by johnmansley — Apr 26, 2025

Arr, when I was a young lad, my father said to me "Arr, lend an ear, learn some pirate history Once a fearsome pirate ruled the seven seas He was your great-great-great-grand-pappy, Quint Skurvy" He told me tall tales of his ill-begotten gains But the greatest treasure of them all still haunts me to this day I'll make you swab the deck and then I'll throw you in the brig I swear I'll make you walk the plank to right the wrong you did The day you mess with Skurvy, arr, you'll wish you're never born When the coconut is mine, then you'll feel this pirate's scorn He hid it in an idol where it stayed for many years But the eye of Inka Dinka Doo did shed the crystal tear It lay upon the ground until, much to my surprise A stupid ape just wandered by and snatched my treasured prize He discovered it possessed extraordinary power And stealing it from Skurvy would be his darkest hour I'll make you swab the deck and then I'll throw you in the brig I swear I'll make you walk the plank to right the wrong you did The day you mess with Skurvy, arr, you'll wish you're never born When the coconut is mine, then you'll feel this pirate's scorn Ya-ha-ha-harr! Alright then, crew Let's show these filthy landlubbers what we're made of Are ya ready? Let 'er rip! I'll make you swab the deck and then I'll throw you in the brig I swear I'll make you walk the plank to right the wrong you did The day you mess with Skurvy, arr, you'll wish you're never born When the coconut is mine, then you'll feel this pirate's scorn When the coconut is mine, then you'll feel this pirate's scorn Arr!

Submitted by NecroGod — Feb 07, 2026

Your pirate ship can eat a bag of dicks Your pirate ship can eat a giant bag of dicks Your shitty wee boat is a fucking joke It's just the unwanted leftovers of a jobby tuggin' barge Your pirate ship can eat a bag of dicks Your pirate ship can eat a giant bag of dicks You better give us all the money in your treasure chest Or Kristof's gonna take a shit on your fucking lawn Your pirate ship can eat a bag of dicks Your pirate ship can eat a giant bag of dicks Your poopdeck is a shithole and your rudder is crap And your cannons are incapable of firing twenty feet Your pirate ship can eat a bag of dicks Your pirate ship can eat a giant bag of dicks Your stupid navigator is an alcoholic And all your crew look like lego bricks Your pirate ship can eat a bag of dicks Your pirate ship can eat a giant bag of dicks Your shitty wee boat is a fucking joke It's just the unwanted leftovers of a jobby tuggin' barge Your pirate ship can eat a bag of dicks Your pirate ship can eat a giant bag of dicks You better give us all the money in your treasure chest Or Kristof's gonna take a shit on your fucking lawn

Submitted by Grave666 — Apr 26, 2025

This is the tale, of a world gone wrong A history without a song The threads of meaning lost to me We're blind to what we cannot see Aeons ago when the ancients ruled Otyg and Lumsk, celebrating yule But then the damn pirates came along and said YO HO HO - You're fucking dead! Now your world's crashing down Only one can survive It's time you woke up And realized We are the pirate metal drinking crew, We think you're dumb and we hate you too We are the pirate metal drinking crew, We don't give a fuck, we think you all suck We are the pirate metal drinking crew, We think you're dumb and we hate you too We are the pirate metal drinking crew, We don't give a fuck, we think you all suck FUCK YOU Sailing the seas of the distant past We're on a quest to kick your ass With cannonfire and battlecry Your mighty legacy will die The blood of Blackbeard in our veins We're bringing slaughter, death and pain There's no escape, tonight you're screwed Cos we're the pirate metal drinking crew Across the seven seas For a thousand years We're your greatest wish We're your darkest fear We are the pirate metal drinking crew, We think you're dumb and we hate you too We are the pirate metal drinking crew, We don't give a fuck, we think you all suck We are the pirate metal drinking crew, We think you're dumb and we hate you too We are the pirate metal drinking crew, We don't give a fuck, we think you all suck FUCK YOU We are the pirate metal drinking crew, We think you're dumb and we hate you too We are the pirate metal drinking crew, We don't give a fuck, we think you all suck We are the pirate metal drinking crew, We think you're dumb and we hate you too We are the pirate metal drinking crew, We don't give a fuck, we think you all suck FUCK YOU

Submitted by Infernal Flame — Apr 26, 2025

I've got a leg, it's made out of wood It comes from a land far away where the trees they grow good This my tale, of death and revenge A quest for redemption to seek true enlightenment deep in the world within My journey begins Tonight we set sail To far off Japan To murder the bastard who took away both of my hands Deep in the night, I discover the fiend I challenge the scoundrel to a fight to the death, And this time I can not lose He will meet his doom! Die, you Japanese bastard! I don't even like sushi! When you're dead, I'm going to chop off your arms! And sew them onto me! Wooden leg, woo-oo-den leg I've got a wooden leg, wooden leg Wooden leg, woo-oo-den arm I have no longer got wooden arms Wooden leg, woo-oo-den leg I've got a wooden leg, wooden leg Wooden leg, woo-oo-den leg Soon I will not have wooden legs Now I return To ancient Madrid To undo the crimes that a greasy old Spaniard once did While he's asleep, I cut off his legs With the power of mystical voodoo-borne magic I stick them back on to me I am now free! ヒヒヒ又はカカカ、よくぞ古代日本の呪いを解いてくれた。 わらわは貴様が盗んだ腕に棲まう悪霊。 貴様は今日からわらわの傀儡となるのじゃ そうじゃ、ストロングゼロを108缶買ってきたぞ。 いまからこいつをぜーんぶ飲み干してやろう。さて貴様はどうする？乾杯！ Je je je! Has desatado la antigua maldición Española! Yo soy el espíritu vengativo que vive dentro de las piernas que me habéis hurtado! He infectado tu cerebro y tomado control de tu cuerpo! Ahora, vamos a comer muchos tacos y churros, y tu no puedes detenerme! Salud! I have unleashed, the mystical curse Now my existence has gotten much worse My arms and my legs, a will of their own Controlling my mind from inside of my bones My legs from Madrid are causing me fear My Japanese arms just want to drink beer I pray to the gods, and ask them oh why There is no escape, I'm doomed 'til I die Wooden leg, woo-oo-den leg This is the curse of the wooden leg Wooden leg, woo-oo-den arm I wish I still had my wooden arms Wooden leg, woo-oo-den leg This is the curse of the wooden leg Wooden leg, woo-oo-den leg These legs will haunt me 'til I'm dead! I can't take it anymore These cursed limbs are driving me insane Alright, that does it It's time to end this I'm really going to do it I'm going to chop off my own head! Wooden head, wooden head, wooden head I've got a wooden head, wooden head Wooden head, wooden head, wooden head I've got a wooden head, wooden head Wooden head, wooden head, wooden head I've got a wooden head, wooden head Wooden head, wooden head, wooden head I've got a wooden head, now I'm dead!

Submitted by Lake of Tears — Apr 26, 2025

There were three brothers in merry Scotland In merry Scotland there were three And they did cast lots which of them should go Should go, should go And turn robber all on the salt sea The lot it fell first upon Henry Martin The youngest of all the three That he should turn robber all on the salt sea The salt sea, the salt sea For to maintain his two brothers and he They had not been sailing but a long winter's night And a part of a short winter's day When he espied a stout lofty ship Lofty ship, lofty ship Come a bibbing down on him straight way Hello, hello, cried Henry Martin What makes you sail so nigh? I'm a rich merchant ship bound for fair London Town London Town, London Town Will you please for to let me pass by? Oh no, oh no, cried Henry Martin This thing it never could be For I have turned robber all on the salt sea Salt sea, the salt sea. For to maintain my two brothers and me Then broadside and broadside and at it they went For fully two hours or three til Henry Martin gave to them the deathshot The deathshot, the deathshot And straight to the bottom went she Bad news, bad news to old England came Bad news to fair London Town There's been a rich vessel and she's cast away Cast away, cast away And all of her merry men drowned

Submitted by BloodShrine — Apr 26, 2025

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