Alustrium
Album • 2021
Alone Within my thoughts Reflecting On all I've said and done Never once Have I felt satisfied Never again Will I even try Anger, Frustration Emotions flare and seethe Hands are shaking, filled with rage Betrayal from loved ones Real or fiction wound the same These feelings and this thinking, Though unwarranted, undeserved, Lead to a place familiar Back to my well of pain As the initial shock of the pain fades away These cuts, these punctures, these bruises Dissolve to a hollow ache And the cycle continues The finger's pointed but the blame remains Digging deeper within me just causes the world itself to fade Colors draining My eyes go cold and gray As I withdraw within The ground beneath me starts to sink As I am moving forward Led deep into the garden Led to a place familiar Back to my well of pain I know this place and why I'm here All too well, guilt and shame The center of the issues at hand The center and the source of my hollow ache And self pity, it beckons Despite all I do it won't shake away The more that I rationalize these thoughts the more they seem to inflame And the cycle continues The finger's pointed but the blame remains Digging deeper within me just causes the world itself to fade The cycle of dwelling It repeats, it replays My hatred of my own mind Upcycles and unravels Self hatred and self loathing Have become second nature I'm learning to accept now That this is good for no one Break wide open Resolve to rid those who've been inflicted with me Of this plague out of shame And self pity, it beckons Despite all I do it won't shake away The more I rationalize these thoughts the more they seem to inflame And the cycle continues The finger's pointed but the blame remains Digging deeper within me just causes the world itself to fade And the world opened up And I gazed into blackness And I looked all around me And saw nothing but gray I looked into myself And found I matched the darkness With not another thought I dove into my well of pain
Submitted by SerpentEve — Apr 26, 2025
Awakened bewildered Beneath a blackened calloused sky A single star glistens As cold creeps in as icy knives With a flash of intuition Feeling something, a dark presence Neck hairs standing, lungs constricting Suddenly my will to live is engaged Festering, this sickness Corrupting, consciousness Deep within this darkness Is unrelenting shame On the run, avoidance But getting nowhere, evasion The guilt within my soul takes shape Shadows casted on distant walls Torches flicker, playing tricks This unmarked road gives no comfort But it's all that's left This cavern echoing Alone but not for long My heartbeat, it quickens With the urge run Slithering black tendrils Coiling, such hatred Deep within this darkness Is unrelenting shame On the run, avoidance But getting nowhere, evasion The guilt within takes shape and births regret Growling, howling, threatening me Feral beasts sent to punish me I feel them chasing now, nipping at my heels Regret looms closer now, thoughts of forfeited safety The mountains made from hills, the perception of repressions Don't seem so awful now
Submitted by Sexy Gargoyle — Apr 26, 2025
Exhaustion racks this corpse There is nothing left to give The legs begin to give out And the pursuers grow closer Black hands reach from shadows Seeking to gain purchase Weakly swatting them away Losing the will to live The footsteps patient and measured Come with confidence Like buzzards above the doomed Waiting for easy prey Afforded only withering motivation Out of reserves, resolve completely drained Concede, Surrender Falling to take the knee Giving up, giving in Attrition is attained Running seems hopeless And I've already tried to die once Disregard for bodily pain Disregard for bodily form The dark coils come into sight The shape moves effortlessly The air chills as the wind picks up The mind conjures images of death The shame, this avoidable failure Worthy of nothing but misery and pain The tortures forthcoming deserved Sought for, considered, and paid for in full Yet still, in spite of beliefs to the contrary This still just doesn't seem fair Willing to accept the blame But unwilling to accept what it means Laid down, tired, thirsty and starved, Between dying flames Surrender is finalized Face down in the dirt With only enough energy to curl up and die Did you really think it would be so easy? Did you really think you could get away? Did you really think that no one would notice? Did you really think there was a simple escape? Black tendrils snake their way out And work to ensnare every limb Their touch so cold it burns And accusations then begin Ungrateful, unloving Unwilling to reciprocate Unaware of your luck Un-knowing, unstriving Unable to put forth the work Self-involved, egotistic Unthinking of those who love you At the heart of the earth The victim, the martyr Unable to suffer in silence Begging, pleading, as darkness creeps over this lifeless, colorless, worthless cadaver The paradox of self-imposing the judgement while not wanting the sentence is perfectly clear A blank face with familiar features hangs over inverted and scowls disapprovingly The tendrils, they writhe and climb and support the white mask as it repeats Ungrateful, unloving Unwilling to reciprocate Unaware of your luck Un-knowing, unstriving Unable to put forth the work Self-involved, egotistic Unthinking of those who love you At the heart of the earth The victim, the martyr Unable to suffer in silence Exhaustion racks this corpse There is nothing left to give The eyes begin to close As the accusations echo The shame, this avoidable failure Worthy of nothing but misery and pain The tortures forthcoming deserved Sought for, considered, and paid for in full Yet still, in spite of beliefs to the contrary This still just doesn't seem fair Willing to accept the blame Unwilling to accept what it means
Submitted by MetalElf — Apr 26, 2025
Awakening again Skin is cold and wet, covered in writhing tendrils No idea how long it's been Passed out long ago, was dragged Echoes of those past transgressions The accuser leads the way The fool He thinks he can just step away? The judgement will come, the axe will fall This sinner He thinks he can shrug off the blame? His head will roll, his head must roll Thrown to hands and knees The tendrils recede, and before the accused A great big mass of orphaned limbs Shudders and squirms Cold gray rotten flesh Builds a shaky and pallid foundation Corrupted arms produce a face Lifted high in exaltation Panicked fear races through the accused Silence only broken by hideous squelching A hundred legs, a thousand arms Play together in a foul symphony The fool He thinks he can just step away? The judgement will come, the axe will fall This sinner He thinks he can shrug off the blame? His head will roll, his head must roll) I know this place and why I’m here The center and the source of this hollow ache The trial is set to begin The judge, accuser, and the accused No question of guilt, no proof required Just a sentence Let it show He was given all and loved none Let it show He deserves this pain What are the crimes? What are we to judge? This poor thing, this lost soul? We’ll not punish it further Has it not endured this? It came to join us here What are we to judge? Suicide, a lost cause Instead we’ll choose nurse it Can it not learn from this and become improved? Hello young one, what brings you here? Are you in pain? What do you need? What did you hope to do here? What would you have us do with you? With all that has transpired above this cold, dark world The only thing required, the one thing that is wished for Is to feel nothing now To be relinquished from this pathetic form And to no longer endure And are you sure? Do you know what you ask? To feel nothing at all? To cease to exist? Truncated limbs swirl in a grotesque ballet This empty face looks on without blame And slithers closer as countless snakes Nothing ever seemed so sweet As the thought of not existing To no more think or feel Or to dwell here any longer To exist out of time And never be a bother To return to the dust And feel annihilation This we can do for you We can take you from here We can take all that’s left And throw it away as you have The arms reach out And grab these barren remains Rotten hands rip open the jaw and crack the bones Thick black fluid flows from dancing fingertips Down an unwilling throat and fills the void with rot
Submitted by Iron_Wraith — Apr 26, 2025
This track is instrumental.
A breath of air for the first time in years interrupted by tiresome awareness Dreamless sleep in a murky vacuum cut short as an unfulfilled promise Back on this path? What the hell has happened here? Was finally dead How much left of this torture Morose, cold, and alone Feel just like home Promised deliverance annulled Liars everywhere Darkness shattered by light In the distance a comforting sight Watching the lands in which I've grown Become familiar yet wrong Betrayed again What of the silence? Laid out bare like a greyscale memory of all that was left, all that was loathed Loved ones mill about aimlessly as a white sun crests Marionettes of those tried who tried to help Drifting along as the damned Ignoring every move, every action Eerie reflections of the past Morose, cold, and alone Feel just like home Promised deliverance annulled Liars everywhere Darkness shattered by light In the distance a comforting sight Watching the lands in which I've grown Become familiar yet wrong Eye for an eye This once known place is now just a shallow reflection Pain for pain Features distorted in light but the treatments the same Life for a life Anger replaces despair as the grey turns to red Blood for blood Will no longer be ignored, will not accept scorn Faceless on approach Reactionless Look upon this, this is pain Externalizing all this hate Drag to ground, scratch and bite Stomp on the neck and grind it down What a surprise, still ignored? No expression? No repercussions? Continue on as if nothing happened? But the blood still stains these hands Eye for an eye Over and over again they're attacked with no recompense Pain for pain Efforts continue ignored as the rage subsides thirst begins Blood for blood Wander off now, find the well it's filled red with a note that reads Drink it in, feel again Breathe it in, suck it down. Blood for blood
Submitted by Sexy Gargoyle — Apr 26, 2025
A familiar feeling, the brush of flesh against my own Sounds of sobbing, weeping, of melancholy, lachrymose Surrounded by simple offers to help, to lend an ear These empty offerings, these hollow gestures that I loathe But it's all the same and they whisper nothings they don't care Look for a chance to seem a good person without effort They don't know me They never will know me They don't know this pain They don't care I've been here before its the same old story, you want to help What you think you think you know you will never understand, it's all over I'm just so sick of the fiction and lies, I want to die, don't you get it? You can't fix this, you can't even comprehend what's on my mind One by one they disappoint with lies They offer worthless claims of false sympathy They all say "heal thyself or talk to me" I say "you don't want any part of this, you don't want to take on this burden" It can't all be the same and they're saying something, they may care Reach out to grab that hand in the hopes they will connect Surely buried in well intentions there must be a cure A way to reconnect, a way to sew it up, to close the gap This is not me, I wasn't always this way It's a mistake, there must be a reason to live I remember there was once a time when I took joy in living, in being loved Somewhere along the way a split occurred between me and the rest of the world When I open my eyes there's no change, still in hell Faces blank and staring, grey around me, there's no comfort And these people that I once loved and hurt They all reach out open arms marked with wounds, self-inflicted My eyes darting frantic with withdraw, blood runs cold Rise to feet on weakened knees with pain and start to run Turning round they seem to be following, and slowly trudging shouting out their worthless offerings Must get away Please just speak to me Please just let me in Please just let me help Please let me in Please don't leave us I'm here for you Please don't say that You will be okay We care for you We won't let you down We all love you We can't let you go I don't want to Can't believe Got to get out Make it stop
Submitted by Celtic Frost — Apr 26, 2025
Dissociated and at arm's length is all I hope to be Those happy faces and knowing eyes forever will haunt me The way they look on, the way they follow, disapprovingly Their judgement falls on these deafened ears, I've done it all before Yes I remember (the choice) Who I am (doubtful) And I remember (the pain) What drove me here The vicious cycle (of trust) Of anxiety And then depression (rotting) Living miserably This hollow rotting that no one sees had festered far too long And thus I made the decision to just leave it all behind To escape feeling nothing I tried to become it myself And what have I found except more pain? More torment? I thought giving up life a worthy sacrifice, what else could I do? What else could I do to try to escape and avoid this tragedy Has death been better here in this place, or is it just the same? A hunt, a trial, a conviction and meaningless ecstasy Yet you can still die This is not a death threat, oh no This is a promise Do you want to leave here? Do you want a way out? Yes, we can deliver you Want to know how, dear? Just drink Do you want to leave here? Do you want a way out? Please, let us deliver you And now I've returned (back home) To dull facsimile To worthless offers (for help) And more lies The more I swallowed (before) The less I felt this way And now I want more (drink it) And to drown To escape feeling nothing I tried to become it myself And what have I found except more pain? More torment? I thought giving up life a worthy sacrifice, what else could I do? What else could I do to try to escape and avoid this tragedy To see the lights go, would be such solace To hear them all crying, a holy symphony To know I'd never feel so hollow again And just once to be able to sleep free from pain Follow the leader to that old familiar place That well of pain and hate and guilt and shame I want to drown with an audience knowing why I want to drown for good and to finally die I'm over this Don't ever assume I wanted saving or that I wanted to live With a crowd in tow I make my way back to the garden There is nothing left for me to do but jump in again That thick red fluid once gulped down looks inviting Should I dive in or sink myself? I know this place and why I'm here The center and the source of this hollow ache Standing atop and looking all around I've never been so afraid yet so sure Droves of the dead all reach out in shock As I step back and fall in And self pity, it beckons Despite all I do it won't shake away The more that I rationalize these thoughts the more they seem to inflame And the cycle continues The finger's pointed but the blame remains Digging deeper within me just causes the world itself to fade
Submitted by The Void — Apr 26, 2025
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