Welcome to Norway
The Vikings did a lot of killing, a lot of raping too! But hey! Don't you judging them too hard now, baby! They didn't have nothing else to do! 'Cause they didn't have no electric guitars. They didn't have no booze. They didn't have no heavy metal rock' n rollin'. They didn't have the blues They never heard of Jimi Hendrix, They never heard the Stones! The Vikings never got to hear good music; -they never heard Ramones! No wonder that they got bored! No wonder how they got mean! They had an overload of locked up aggression, but lacked the hard rock scene But they taught us that being wild ain't no crime! They where born a 1000 years ahead of their time: The Vikings are the pioneers of rock! And their plundering was their rock' n' roll The Vikings are the pioneers of rock! They were ugly and mean, and out of control The Vikings are the pioneers of rock! And their plundering was their rock' n' roll The Vikings are the pioneers! Don't you see, they had no fuckin' worries at all. Nowadays we've learned how to groove, we don't kill quite that much. And instead of raping every woman we see, we make them girls come to us. A lot has happened those past 1000 years, now baby, don't you see. While the Vikings worshipped their god of thunder, Thor, we worship good old Jack D. But taught us that long hair ain't no shame. So if you hate rock' n' roll you know who to blame: The Vikings are the pioneers of rock! And their plundering was their rock' n' roll The Vikings are the pioneers of rock! They were ugly and mean, and out of control The Vikings are the pioneers of rock! And their plundering was their rock' n' roll The Vikings are the pioneers! Yeah! Oh, yeah! The Vikings are pioneers of rock. Their slaughter was their heavy metal. The Vikings are the pioneers! Don't you see, they had no fuckin' worries at all.
Submitted by Celtic Frost — Apr 26, 2025
Hey boy! You're on your way! You're on your way to Mongo-Norway So if you're heading for a night out in this town, Make sure you don't end up in places that are to be left alone! There are some traps that you may fall into, and if you do, I'm sad to say you're on you're way where there's no returning. So don't go, don't go in that door! Goddamn it! Now the hell did you end up in that joint, Bubba? Didn't you see those signs sayin' "Smuget"? "Smuget" means "Danger" in Nowegian! That's it. You're had, punk. You're done! You're gonna be one of them! I know it! Soon I'll catch you dressed up as a schmo' licking celeb'-ass! Tell me: Why didn't you go to Last Train or Planet Rockall instead? Nothing but honest beer-drinkin' and ass-kicking rock music in those places? Well, it's too late for you now! Too late Cause: Hey boy! You're on your way! You're on your way to Mongo-Norway So if you're heading for a night out in this town, Make sure you don't end up in places that are to be left alone! There are some traps that you may fall into, and if you do, I'm sad to say you're on you're way where there's no returning. So don't go, don't go in that door!
Submitted by Corpse Defiler — Apr 26, 2025
Martin Schanche is the coolest man in Norway! The way he races his car could make a grown man cry! His nerves are made out of steel; his middle name is power! You see him coming in 90 mile's 'n hour Go, Martin! Go, go, go! Hello, Mr. Rock 'n roll! May your engine never run out of fuel! Hello, Mister Goddamn Cool! Martin Schanche is nobody's cute little brother. He wouldn't take a dime to beat up your old mother. He's so tough; he even rides his own helicopter. It crashed down, but death just couldn't reach this motherfucker. Go, Martin! Go, go, go! Hello, Mr. Rock 'n roll! May your engine never run out of fuel! Hello, Mister Goddamn Cool! When Martin Schanche races down at Lyngaas, You won't see shit 'cause dust is all around his car as he burns out to win again. And when he wins you know what he will do: Yes, he will show off like he always does by driving round while sitting on the roof. And everybody loves this man; everybody is his fan. And nothing's gonna change that fact, nothing's gonna take that away from us, baby! Don't you see, he is never gonna die! And if he does my hearth will crush and sadness overwhelm my soul. And never will I be the same again 'Cause everybody loves this man, everybody is his fan, now don't you see! Go Martin! Go, Martin! Go, go, go! Hello, Mr. Rock 'n roll! May your engine never run out of fuel! Hello, Mister Goddamn Cool!
Submitted by Nargaroth — Apr 26, 2025
Hey, folks! Shut up and listen to what I have to say! Today I will tell the whole truth 'bout traditional food here in Norway! Norwegian food tastes good, at least that's what we think, my sweetness! And if you don't feel the same, I tell you: "Hah, I couldn't care less!" 'Cause baby, you may feel free to leave this room now. Or you may listen, as I carry on: FISH: We eat a lot of fish, honey! Both Smoked, raw and rotten. And the taste of fish that's been six feet under is not that easily forgotten! But we also eat cheese from goats, and our smashed lungs and liver are famous. But one thing we don't eat is. Deep-fried anus! Deep-fried anus, no, we don't eat that! Too much calories and too much fat! That deep-fried anus tastes no good! That's why it isn't amongst our traditional food. Yeah-yeah! FLAT, POTATO BASED STUFF: You may heard of LEFSE! You may have heard of LOMPE! But have you tasted the RASPEBALL, also called KUMLE, KLUMP, KUMPE? I recommend our herring. I recommend smoked ham. But the very best we can offer is head of lamb! MEAT: Head of lamb. Yes, we eat that! Low on calories, not too much fat. But that deep-fried anus it tastes no good. That's why it isn't amongst our traditional food. Yeah-yeah! Come taste our traditional food people! All for free. Take this unique opportunity to try out the Norwegian way of cooking. Would you care for some blood-pudding, Sir? Some whale-penis? What about this intestine-juice? Mmmm! Tarmsaft! Delicious, huh? Now why are you calling us barbarians, baby? Shut up! Do you hear me? SHUT UP!
Submitted by Corpse Grinder — Apr 26, 2025
Here in Norway, we've got this remarkable tradition The tradition of the national costume, only to be worn at special occasions and its made out of wool my friend, stockings as swell as the stack. The patern made by ?real and the same goes for the shape of the hat You may wear it in a wedding, you may wear it at a birthday, could be someones child being babtized, could even be the seventeenth of may. Through decoration ones power is revealed, the more silver - higher the class women may use a purse if they want to, men have a piece of leather in their ass Bunaaaad, buuuunaaaad, that is the name of our national coustume, girl. When its a bridery, and silver lays worth, honey ?when it spuonce pants and rivens eats up, a model of beauty and.? 'Cus, with my bunad oh, I am unbeatable baby, so superior, god damn, I feel good. Don't let my kingdom of ?halfdance, go blow you away. go blow you away, blow you away. aaaaah, thats a nice piece of bunad you got there honey, where is it from, huh?, huh? Åren? aah, now let me show you pika mi. Heard about Hulda Garborg? Who Hilde Bagga? No, Hulda Garborg, the woman who started "save the bunad", she even wrote a book about the subject back in 1903 wow, 1903eh?, yeah, damn right, good old 1903. If you want to know more about bunads, contact the Norwegian council for foreign costumes or Husfliden, they have all the information you'll need. Doesn't it get extremly hot inside those things, especially in summer times? Yes, that i can sign under on my ?nails Bunaaaad, buunaaa'aaad, that is the name of our national costume girl, When its a bridery, and silver lays worth, honey ?when it spuonce pants and rivens you know,no smoking could ever compare 'Cus, with my bunad oh, I am unbeatable baby, so superior, god damn, I feel good. Don't let my kingdom of ?halfdance, go blow you away. go blow you away, blow you away.
Submitted by Infernal Flame — Apr 26, 2025
Do you know Norwegian literature? By god you ought to! We're got some damn good writers. You've got some catching up to do! Do you know the Four Big Ones, darling? Kielland, Ibsen, Lie, and Hallbing. Lend them an eye, go check their books out! They're full of poetry that you can't live without! Let me mention some important works for you to read: "The Wild Duck", Skipper Worse" and "El Sordo" are essential books indeed. Now the Four Big Ones, darling! Kielland, Ibsen, Lie, and Hallbing. The biggest writers in our kingdom. They're full of poetry and wisdom. Now you've got some serious reading ahead, 'cause nothing is worse than books unread. Extend your interest for literature; it widens your horizon and makes you more mature.
Submitted by Nargaroth — Apr 26, 2025
Hello and welcome to Norway! I am your guide Lars Loenning. I am 20 years old, and I come from a place called Skullerud outside Oslo centre. Before we start this trip into town, I will guide you through some practical information to get you first-timers going. First of all remember that smoking is strictly forbidden in Norway. Kindly step outside our country if you want to use tobacco. Sweden, Denmark and Finland are considered to be very good ashtrays or even spittoons if you take snuff or chew quid. In an accident should occur, and you are badly hurt, don't run around screaming, or try to get peoples attention. Keep down! The Norwegians don't like to be bothered. They are busy people, and you should respect that. Just lie still and wait for someone to help you. Try not to fall in love with a Norwegian girl! Norwegian girls get pregnant very easily, and we don't want more illegitimate children running around! And besides, we want to keep our girls to ourselves. Not hanging around with you foreign guys with your fancy cars and Cadillacs and everything.
Submitted by Corpse Defiler — Apr 26, 2025
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