Christmas Present Crisis (David's Conundrum)
Bryan: “Hello?” Oh, No! What am I gonna do?! I waited too long I can’t find anything Bryan: “What?” David: “Sorry, Dude you've gotta help me, I can't figure out what to get my wife for Christmas.” Bryan: “Okay, calm down man, I'll help you out. What does she normally like?” David: “I don’t know, girl stuff I guess.” Bryan: “Ah… okay, well you could head to the mall see if you can find something you think she'd like.” David: “That’s a good place to start, thanks man!” I got a crap car and not a lot a money I just wanna find something nice for my hunny I don’t wanna be seen as a loser chump Giving to her some weird ugly lump I'm so lost I have no idea What to get as the ultimate present Shambling Walking Gaining my footing As I enter the gates of the mall On a quest for a thoughtful gift Bryan: “Hey, you get there yet?” David: “Yeah, I just got here” Bryan: “Okay well.. While your there would you mind picking up a hot candied pecan bag for me?” David: “Uh… Alright” Anyway, I could get her that weird smelling candle What's it called? Oh that's right, Badlands National Park No, I can't stand that scent I don't want it round Tainting my nostrils Looking around the center Finding all sorts of wares Maybe the classic fruit cake What about a fancy gun rack I could look around a home decor store ...nope David: “She likes those Pop figures.” Bryan: “There's so many of those dang things.” David: “I know, right!” Bryan: “What does she nerd out over?” David: “Well...” There’s Duck tales, Sailor Moon and Batman too There's Blade Runner, Princesses and Five Nights too With so many toys to get Can it really be this hard? To find the perfect gift They tell me how to love her To buy her shiny things I really really really like this pink diamond ring Cute cat ear headphones I could go in another direction Get something for myself that would also be for her Bryan: “That sounds like a good idea, like what?” Get a nicely tailored suit Try on some nice gurl pants Pic with me and Santa What am I going to get What am I going to give What am I going to gift For my Significant Other Mall Loudspeaker: “The Mall is now closing, please take your final purchases to the counter and get out.” David: “No! There’s gotta be more time!” Courtney: “I love you hunny bunny and I'm so happy to spend Christmas with you” David: “Hunny… I've gotta confess… I didn't get you anything for Christmas. I couldn't find anything you'd like…” Courtney: “Oh hunny, I couldn't find you anything either” Courtney: “So… what'd you get your parents?”
Submitted by SerpentEve — Jun 15, 2026