Vol. III Halfway Happy

Nothing's ever been beautiful I've thought that for quite some time Everything ends, and everyone dies Death is a constant that I think about all the time Where do I place these thoughts? Who can understand? How alone I feel How alone I am Still a victim of my own mind Still can't do anything right I'm composed of demon limbs And I'm still anxious all the time Bad days and disappointment will always be relevant Ask yourself, will anything ever be worth it? Will anything ever be worth it?

Submitted by Pestilence — Feb 22, 2026

Stuck in a rut I'm existing in the in between Still empty and splitting at the seams Misery, so good at killing my self esteem The one of my dreams, I'm still lucky you love me Even when I don't love myself You make me feel important Almost like I'm someone else Self loathing and self pity Thanks for extending your help You never made things easy Taught me love is never enough Showed me all I have is my bad luck Subdued, I am broken at the thought of you You're not the fucking person that I thought I knew Motionless I've become undone Overwhelmed by self disgust Crippling form, forced to adjust Vacancy still acts as my crutch Motionless I've become undone Overwhelmed by self disgust Crippling form, forced to adjust Vacancy still acts as my crutch My doubt was all that bloomed Fear was all that moved This pain inside my chest reminds me what I've been through My doubt was all that bloomed Fear was all that moved This pain inside my chest reminds me what I've been through Stuck in a rut I'm existing in the in between Forever empty, splitting at the seams Misery, gave into you like nicotine You're the devil in my bloodstream The one thing I could never leave Exhaustion fills the hole you left These senseless sentiments I've tried hard to forget I'm so fucking worn out, the devil always wins These demons on my back keep pulling me in

Submitted by Pestilence — Feb 22, 2026

I aged each day while stress weighed heavy on my psyche Night brings a hearse and i’ve felt fucking dead lately My disposition is intrusive and i’ve been having difficulty Accepting the fact i’m the reason for my misery Overwhelmed by this debris of doubt, but disregard Everyone left me to fall apart Always on the edge and I don’t know Whether I want to keep above or sink below Spending all the days biting my tongue Holding my breath until I empty my lungs Been wishing I meant something to someone Look what you’ve done Do you ever think about when you weren’t so grey When everything you did wasn’t a mistake Spending all the days biting my tongue Holding my breath until I empty my lungs Been wishing I meant something to someone Look what you’ve done You killed the light and laughed with malice so eager We took delight in evil twistin our features Repeater Still the same and it burns everyday but the question remains Were the weapon loaded? If only hope had held on closer La Haine still the same but the end grows closer Spending all the days biting my tongue Holding my breath until I empty my lungs Been wishing I meant something to someone Look what you’ve done

Submitted by Pestilence — Feb 22, 2026

The anesthetic never set in and i’m wondering what the hell i’m doing here My body’s giving out on me Despite the pills and all this fucking therapy The anesthetic never set in and i’m wondering if i’ll ever feel alive again I’m sick, i’m spent and i’m wearing thin But I don’t want this, why is this the life I live My body’s giving out on me Despite the pills and all this fucking therapy As I sit here in my hospital bed, it smells of alcohol and dead skin, my mind is rotting with each passing second As I riddle with my depression, all under my descrection The anesthetic never set in and i’m wondering if i’ll ever feel alive again I’m sick, i’m spent and i’m wearing thin But I don’t want this, why is this the life I live The anesthetic never set in and i’m wondering if i’ll ever feel alive again I’m sick, i’m spent and i’m wearing thin But I don’t want this, why is this the life I live My mind is rotting with each passing second As I riddle with my depression I’ve given life to this grief that I couldn’t understand Slumped heavy and dug my line in the sand Lamentation that’s all that could grow The doubt you planted i’ve made it my home Like the flowers outside my spirit is dead Took out the dirt and I made this my bed The anesthetic never set in and i’m wondering if i’ll ever feel alive again

Submitted by Pestilence — Feb 22, 2026

Still hollow and dead behind the eyes I know i'm barely breathing, struggling to stay alive My pain remains constant, i’ve always been addicted to the hurt Set aside these emotions, they've never come first Brittle and frail So lay me restless As I slowly derail Silence never helped me sleep Sadness only made me weak I’m all but a memory Brittle and frail So lay me restless As I slowly derail Ache rips though my bones Still stressing over things I can’t control Attempted to let go, this vacancy never made me feel whole I was doomed to finish last Still hollow and dead behind the eyes I know i'm barely breathing, struggling to stay alive My pain remains constant, i’ve always been addicted to the hurt Set aside these emotions, they've never come first

Submitted by Pestilence — Feb 22, 2026

It’s been a long time since I've felt right I’ve been dying to leave as I bleed on the inside Was there any weight in the words exchanged? I’ll numb myself instead, let the cancer spread cause You’ve sucked the feeling away This chip on my shoulder something that I can’t shake I promise I gave you everything Nothing more that I can give Nothing left for you to take I'm tired of speaking with a ghost That I kept too close, now I'm someone that I don’t even know How did I become someone else What did I ever do wrong As I exposed all my flaws, you built up your walls I'm was always at fault My lungs gave out when I tried to explain I walked on needles and pins and never mattered anyway Did you mean it? Or was it to mess with my head I’m withered in the deep end of everything that you said Drag my knuckles till they bruise, spill my guts from the abuse Sounds of somber echoed through my room I'm drowning in pathetic thoughts of you Despite the fact that you took everything I don’t always wish things differently I'm tired of speaking with a ghost That I kept too close, now I'm someone that I don’t even know The words you spoke only echoed a growing doubt That submerged right into my brain Here I am a bird trapped in a cage Still a bird trapped in a cage Bittersweet, This loss is beautifully depressing Life is beautifully depressing

Submitted by Pestilence — Feb 22, 2026

Clocks ticking & I’m losing myself to my mind Bed of nails scraping by on borrowed time I guess every rose has it’s thorn right? I guess everyone’s gotta die sometime The people closest to you, hurt you In ways you never thought they would do Just a stranger that you once knew We’re all toxic people that fill up the room I’ve lost most faith in myself and even more in everyone else Let’s just be honest and admit we don’t deserve to live Haze drifted over and replaced the sun Self esteem dissolved I lame legged and hung Swallowed my guilt and accepted defeat Here I lay hollow still face down on the concrete I’m broken beneath the sting of heartbreak Morphine to help with the pain Intoxicate me so I can waste away Clocks ticking & I’m losing myself to my mind Bed of nails scraping by on borrowed time I guess every rose has it’s thorn right? I guess everyone’s gotta die sometime Here’s to feeling sorry for yourself Still the one you know and loathe Still the one you loathe Life’s fucked and that’s just how the story goes Three cheers to giving in, yeah I gave up I’ve always hated the person I’ve become Three cheers to giving in, yeah I gave up I was never good enough to anyone

Submitted by Pestilence — Feb 22, 2026

I'm better off hanging from that ceiling When I found everything a little less appealing Now I'm dulled out, and the worst has yet to come My bitterness and self loathing has finally won I'm better off hanging from that ceiling When I found everything a little less appealing Now I'm dulled out and the worst has yet to come My bitterness and self loathing has finally won (My bitterness and self loathing has finally won) Still a burden, a tragedy at your service That won't ever serve a purpose We are all victims of our own minds My youth may it rest in peace It's not the same, nor will it ever be At the centerfold, hoping that these thoughts cease I'm sick of all the things I know I'll never achieve Feeling pretty low, warranted to decompose Bent backwards, why can't I let this go? Desperation tears up my insides If you love me, I can love myself right? Desperation tears up my insides If you love me, I can love myself, right? A people pleaser, an addiction to run its course I'm still flooded with that guilt and remorse Desperation tears up my insides If you love me, I can love myself, right? I'm better off hanging from that ceiling When I found everything a little less appealing Now I'm dulled out and the worst has yet to come My bitterness and self loathing finally won Expended myself for the sake of others (My mental state lies within the gutter) Volume III of this collection, here's your introduction Just someone who's obsessed with my own self destruction Crippling stress and impulsion A downer that's filled with unease Who wears their heart on their sleeve I've done all that I could, but I can't resist hopelessness I can't stop being a nervous wreck I'll chew my nails to the bone And grind my teeth till my mouth stays closed Still irrelevant and useless Fuck!

Submitted by Pestilence — Feb 22, 2026

Here I decay with all that I am Isolate me, everyone come take a stab Red at both corners of my eyes Convulsion in my veins, watch me fucking snap Hate is what brought me here Bloodthirst devours all my peers The venom seeps into my head Pulsing through, vision runs red I walk alone in this washed out place Just another person that can’t be saved Hold me under, drown my fear Squeeze until I disappear Hold me under, drown my fear Squeeze until I disappear I saw the light vacate my eyes Misery bloomed and swallowed me alive Innocence dimmed as my spirit died Still mentally destroyed, all thanks to you right? Heartache i’m sorry I made the same mistake twice Hate is what brought me here Bloodthirst devours all my peers The venom seeps into my head Pulsing through, seeing red again I walk alone in this washed out place Just another person that can’t be saved Blade to my neck Let me feel the disconnect Let me feel all the wasted time that I spent Remind me of all my failed attempts I’ll black out once again Hold me under, drown my fear Squeeze until I disappear I’ll decay under my own hands One bad day changed who I am

Submitted by Pestilence — Feb 22, 2026

Treacherous memories just wanted to forget Madness my emergency exit I can close the door on all the dreadful things that happened Until I let myself slip And give into your sins Bleed the thoughts in the back your head Spinning over and over and over again Getting over and under and under the skin Spin spin spin Dragged through the five stages Now i'm sure I know what grief is I finally reached the point of stasis Roaming through these empty spaces Picking apart my brain as darkness permeates Forever stuck in retrograde In and out of attachment To avoid the hurt, to escape this madness Madness my emergency exit You can close the door on all that’s happened I let my sanity slip away It was the best decision I have ever made If you don’t want the guilt and you don’t want to feel the pain Follow me it’s easy you just do the same I let my sanity slip away It was the best decision I have ever made Gloom lays over me Gloom lays over me Slightly sadistic i'm off the edge, the abyss, the place where you don't care anymore Where all hope dies and your past screams Reducing yourself down to lunacy Gloom lays over me Twisted trains of thought, i've internalized this pain for so long

Submitted by Pestilence — Feb 22, 2026

Blank face, emotionless, anxiety renders me useless And i’m stuck between a rock and a hard place Six feet deep, feeling guilty over past mistakes I’m burnt out, the light in my eyes flicker The anger pent up fucking grows bigger And I feel comfort in downing this liquor Till I feel it slowly tear up my liver Depression will run its course till i’m dead Till i’m numb enough to know there’s nothing left A living corpse untill I wait till the end Does it ever get better? No I just pretend In my head no one else can relate In my head I don’t see the better days I’m seeing so many others happy And all I ever wanted was a taste Happiness never came easy Longed for that feeling believe me It’s hard to find i’ve been searching my whole life I come out empty handed every fucking time What’s the point? I’m tired of trying Misery is much more inviting No more hiding, these smiles aren’t sticking Hope is slipping, optimisms fucking missing In my head no one else can relate In my head I don’t see the better days I’m seeing so many others happy And all I ever wanted was a taste The color nothing, i’m deadly dull Lack of serotonin is the result Feeling the steady decline Manic episodes at an all time high

Submitted by Pestilence — Feb 22, 2026

Clinging to self depreciation and dissociation I’ve dug holes so deep relying on self medication Even with separation from the world, i’m losing to this sickness My coping mechanisms became destructive And counter productive, every day i’m exhausted A ghost of who I used to be, when I look back nostalgia always seems to kill me Is that it? Repression only goes so far until the layers of your skin peel And the wounds left untreated, never learn to heal Hindsight is a pathetic thing, who cares if you understand, when it's already too late I don’t care where i’ve been, if where I am is why i’m sinking Is why i’m sinking Will I ever enjoy my moments here anymore, or will time always escape me? Sometimes I think i’ve felt everything, everything i’ll ever feel Nothing will be new, just lesser versions of what i’ve already felt Just a ghost of who I used to be Hindsight is a pathetic thing, who cares if you understand, when it's already too late I don’t care where i’ve been, if where I am is why i’m sinking Clinging to self depreciation and dissociation I’ve dug holes so deep relying on self medication Repression only went so far until my skin peeled These wounds left untreated, never learned to heal

Submitted by Pestilence — Feb 22, 2026